Looking at the words for this prompt I could combine them all into one post. I have felt Love, regret, and uncertainty along this parenting journey. I have treasured many things, kept things secret, and my home is my sanctuary. The word I am choosing to write about is LOVE.
All I do for my kids is out of love for them. Even when I am frustrated and yelling, it is because I want better for them. I don’t want them to stumble too much or have to suffer from bad decisions, even though I realize I can’t prevent that from happening. I wake up before them and go to bed after them, because I want to make sure I have done all I can do to make sure they are prepared for their day, and I need some quiet time. I have loved them from the point I knew they existed. My kids taught me what it meant to truly love another human being.
Many of us have been in love. We knew romantic love and familial love. That love is real and valuable, but I did not realize my true capacity to love another person no matter how much of a jerk or ass they were being, until I became a mother. I realize there is nothing that can make that love go away. It does not diminish it grows with each passing day.
When they fail, I feel the pain as if it were my own. I have to fight the urge to ease the sting and make it better, but my love for them tells me that is not going to help them. They must learn to handle loss and failure and move forward with life. With all the stress and strains my kids put me through, what brings tears to my eyes is the thought they are being excluded because of their differences. My love for them keeps me going when I feel too tired to move on. It makes me fight harder to get them what they need, and it makes me treasure the fact I have the pleasure of helping 3 distinct individuals grow into productive members of society. (I pray)
In my life becoming a parent taught me the true meaning of what it means to love another. It has made me a better person. Parenthood is good for me even though it doesn’t feel that way sometimes. If you don’t have kids, this is not to convince you to do so. Having kids is hard work and you make a lot of sacrifices. It isn’t something to do lightly, but for me it is worth it.
Black ADHD Mom.