My three kids are the “Random Affection Crew.” The self-appointed leader is “Ms. Random Hugger”, my daughter. She will not give me a kiss to save her life, but I can count on a random path blocking hug. She will decided she needs to snuggle out of the blue and commit other overall completely unsolicited random acts of minimum affection. Please note I said unsolicited. A requested hug or kiss, from me, is immediately denied. My oldest son is “Mr. Random Compliments.” I can walk downstairs looking a hot mess, yes a smoking hot mess, and he will say you look beautiful today mommy. He is also my daily source of I love you mommy. Lastly, there is “The Kissing Bandit”, my three year old. He will subject me to random serial kisses either prompted or without prompting. He demands his snuggle time and will completely take offense if you do not take the demanded time to hug and kiss when he want’s you to do so.
Focusing on these aspects of my kids’ personalities helps to keep me aware they are human beings not a disorder. The disorder or disorders are something I have to help them live with, but it does not define the kind of person each one will become.
How often do you ask yourself “What can I say positive about my kids?” I know it seems like a simple question. I mean we love our kids so much we automatically assume we think of them in a positive light, but do we? Have you ever said to a friend, my kids are great little people? I am not talking about being that parent. You know that parent who gave birth to, or fathered, kid perfection. This kid is great at everything and is also the sweetest, most obedient child on the planet. You know the parent you want to call BS on when you see their brilliant kid is still eating dirt at 12, they call their parent a jerk for saying it is time to go, and mumbles cuss words while walking out the door (exaggeration intended). This child is also known as “The second coming.”
No, I am talking about meaningful reflections with fellow parents, WHO WANT TO HEAR IT. I am talking about vocalizing the words I admire the fact my kids do _____________. This doesn’t mean you are pouring over your kid and lavishing them with compliments. I don’t do that and I will not do that, because I think that would make any human being a narcissistic prick. I am talking about challenging yourself to think about the good you see and focus less on the bad. Doing this helps me deal with the more difficult aspects of parenting. Doing this is also very new to me. I found when I started writing this Blog I wrote about all the difficulties dealing with parenting children with ADHD. It made me reflect on how I want to portray my kids to world. Do I want them seen as a conglomerate of difficulties or as complete human beings who are working hard to overcome personal challenges.
I am choosing complete human beings. How about you?
Black ADHD Mom